That One Tuesday Evening

I consider It a miracle. A supernatural thing that has happened to me.

(I am currently at work but I can’t get my thoughts together and I just really needed to get this all out now.)

Last night I attended our usual Tuesday bible study and we talked about forgiveness. I know what you have in mind – this might be one of the hardest things to do in life. I was reminded of how I used to hold grudges against my foes and against the people who purposely hurt me. I was reminded of how I wanted to get my cunning revenge to them so I could make them feel the pain they made me feel. I was reminded of what my previous life was.

Going back to the miracle I was telling you about, it’s a miracle why I am in this unworthy, undeserving position.

It all started two years ago when I experienced by most hurtful heartbreak. I was beautifully swept off my feet and everything seemed too good to be true. However, there was one problem. I didn’t know the purpose of what I was doing. I was left with no vision, no clue of what was happening in my life. All I knew was I was seizing the day and I tried to be as happy as possible.

Then one day, when I thought I’d be swept off my feet again, I was left falling on my feet. He said I wasn’t good enough. He said we can’t be together. I was puzzled. I got mad and worst, I got lost. I kept on making bad decisions, one over the other and I thought my life was over.

I was suddenly reminded of forgiveness. The forgiveness one could easily be given because of love. I remembered how God forgave me, and kept on forgiving me for my sins. Me? Why would he forgive me? Or even, why would He choose me? I am not worthy. I am undeserving. I am sinful. I am nothing. But He is great because He chased me. He keeps on chasing me whenever I would lose my track. He would always tell me to go back to Him, because in Him I’ll find peace and comfort.

I couldn’t contain how much God has done in my life. Who would have thought that I will be chosen by God as His own? I cannot fathom. Every time I’m reminded of how Jesus Christ died for me on the cross, I cannot understand why we are still loved. That’s just who God is. He is the perfect manifestation, and epitome of unconditional love.

All I know is that God continues to move in my life. I am not perfect. No one is. But I have a perfect God.

God forgave, forgives, and will forgive. Have you forgiven?

 

Do you have your own stories also? Let’s talk!

 

 

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A None Million Dollar Happiness

Tired. Hungry. Thirsty.

The smoke that belched out of the vehicles in the national highway did not stop me in seeing what my guy anticipated for this very particular day. The first born of his favorite uncle, who didn’t have any siblings for his whole marriage life.

We walked several blocks from the drop off point to the hospital. The place is surrounded with wet and dry market, and is often crowded. I told myself that I was given a chance not to agree to this agenda but somehow, this place was not something unfamiliar.

I was quite nostalgic upon reaching the area because we had settled there when i was still young.

When we reached the nearest block that borders the hospital, I saw food stalls which tempted me a lot, making the walk a lot more challenging. But of course, i cannot let those temptations consume me, else I cannot go home. I only have an exact amount of money in my wallet. I hated it when my pocket money is just exact for my expenses for a certain trip. I don’t feel comfortable since I was used to getting emergency money. So i decided to do some sacrificing, not eating my most craved dishes of all time.

We entered the hospital lobby and we thought that this hospital is better when we saw the facade. However, the cover doesn’t justify the contents as it is right?

A lot of people, men and women, congested the 50 square meter room with two people on each bed. Wait, did i just say it right? Of course! Two women in a bed. I can’t imagine how hard it is to let a child out of a woman’s womb, how painful it is, and how restless it might be, feeling more restless, knowing that you’ll have someone share with your only sanctuary.

These people are those i can describe as, not the low class, but those I chose to be practical. The hospital services were affordable, good enough for simple people to deliver their children.

My eyes kind of freaked out upon entering the room because I saw a lot of babies, small as a set of loaf bread. They are so gentle and I cannot risk to touch them. My reflexes are hard to control since I play sports as a hobby and i was used in a lot of hard works.

I looked at Tito and saw the sparkle in his eyes. He was a lot different when I see him in T’s house compared with his expressions while carrying the newborn baby. His voice was gentle when he talked to me so he cannot wake up such beautiful creation.

Suddenly, the baby cried. Sean cried. He cried so hard that the sounds his cry created bounced back on me as memories of yesterday and of the past.

Tita carry and hold him gently. His face pressed against her breasts trying to feed himself. I completely saw the smile that roses on her lips and the glistening on her eyes. Those two things were continuously showing while she was trying to endure the pain of breastfeeding. But no matter, because all the pain will take off, leaving the mother so joyful that nine months of agony and discomfort became the most life changing experience she had in her entirety.

T often told me in the past how desperate the couple could be to have a child. Seeing the movies which shared the same hopeless story, I empathize on how they feel. I saw how hard it is for them to share the love with other children, but cannot do it with their own because they don’t have any.

But now, they can share all the love they reserved for years. There’s no more room for sadness and tears.

We went home and finally got a chance to eat and talk at dinner.